


Hold me while I disappear

by lovlessfairy



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bobby Nash Being a Dad, Father-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovlessfairy/pseuds/lovlessfairy
Summary: "Bobby was officially worried now. Out of all the reactions, he thought he would see from the young firefighter, being quiet was not one of them".After Eddie's "rescue" Buck got uncharacteristically quiet, freaking everyone around him in the process.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash
Comments: 14
Kudos: 202





	Hold me while I disappear

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first 911 story so please be kind. Also, I know there are a ton of fics after Monday's episode but I wanted to give it a try too. Also, I haven't written in so long, so bear with me and if you like it please let me know. 
> 
> I have always loved Buck's relationship with Bobby, and I wish they would give us more of their father/son dynamic.

"Hey kid, you okay?". Bobby was concerned. Buck surprised everybody by staying on-site helping to get everything loaded instead of riding to the hospital with Eddie. Hen and Chimney looked in disbelief as Buck insisted the both of them had to take Eddie and make sure everything was fine with their teammate.

That was about 30 minutes ago, and the captain hasn't stopped looking at his youngest recruit. He knew Buck and liked or not, he loves him as a son and worried about him as such. So, he knew better than pushing the issue, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try to figure out what was inside that head of his. He knew Buck good enough to be certain the kid was a mess and about to break if you so much looked at him the wrong way. 

"Yeah, sure. I mean I could be better if it weren’t for this rain, which is not helping and it's making quite difficult to put all the equipment away." 

"Let me know if you need a hand, we're leaving soon." 

Buck answered with a dismissive hand wave and a fake smile, one that did not fool Bobby for not even a second. The captain took a moment to pay attention as Buck continued gathering the muddy equipment from the site before we went to find a private place to call his wife. 

"I heard you had an exciting day." Athena heard over the radio about what was going on and how a firefighter was missing and as much as she wanted to make sure Bobby was safe, she knew her call will only make them lose precious time. But as soon as her phone started ringing with Bobby's face on it she let herself panic for a second - what if it was someone else on his phone to give her the news- before she heard her husband's voice on the other side. So, with a newfound relief, she played cool and tried to sound as casual as she could. 

"You could say so." 

"Is everyone ok?", she fired back after noticing how tired Bobby sounded. 

"Yeah, I mean they took Eddie to the hospital to check him out, but he looked pretty good for someone who rescued himself from being buried alive." 

"Jesus Bobby. Are you sure he is ok?" 

"As good as he can be. Hen and Chimney went with him, and as soon as they know something, they'll let me know". Bobby waited patiently for Athena's answer, but the silence was telling, and he already knew where her wife's head was heading. 

"Bobby, where is Buck?"

"He's here with me. He's loading the truck."

"You didn't let that boy go with Eddie?"

"Actually, he decided for us and told Hen and Chimney to go with Eddie, as he and I stayed behind."

"And you didn't think that was weird?"

"I did and I am worried. Athena, I had to pick him up from the floor and calm him down after he thought he lost Eddie. He wanted to dig him out with his bare hands."

"Bobby", she paused and left hanging the unspoken conversation about what they were going to do. "Bring our boy home. He already went through a lot with Maddie and what happened at dispatch. He needs family." 

Later that night Bobby continued to look after Buck, this time from the loft at the station. The young man was now cleaning the firetruck trying to take the mud out of it with little progress. You could tell he felt uneasy like he was trying to get rid of his frustrations by cleaning a truck too big for him to do it alone.

"Hey, Buck! come up here for a moment." 

"Cap I'm not done yet". Bobby gave him his 'are you kidding me face' and Buck knew that was a discussion he was not going to win. 

Bobby followed Buck with his eyes as the young firefighter took the stairs. He could easily tell how Buck's posture was rigid and his anxiety was over the roof. The kid was beyond worried, that is why as soon as he was next to Bobby, he couldn't hide how concerned he was. 

"Have you heard anything from Hen and Chimney?", Buck asked shyly. 

"Yeah, they are on their way back. They are dropping Eddie at home first. The doctor said he was mostly fine, a few bruises and a mild case of hypothermia, but he is Ok enough to come back next week." 

"That's good. That's really good."

Bobby was officially worried now. Out of all the reactions, he thought he would see from the young firefighter, being quiet was not one of them. After having to calm Buck down from a mental breakdown under the rain, then reassuring him that nobody thought Eddie was dead and they were going to do everything they could to find him, he expected Buck to fight tooth and nail to be with Eddie, to make sure he was fine, but instead, he was here cleaning the mud-covered truck and being so quiet that it was starting to freak the captain out. 

Of course, everything was just a facade and that became painfully obvious when he tried to put his hand on Buck's shoulder. The young man shook him away so fast that even he was surprised and a little scared of his reaction. 

"I'm sorry Bobby, I'm so sorry."

"Hey kid, it's ok. you have nothing to apologize for, I just want you to talk to me". Buck looked like he was ready to bolt as if he was deciding what to do next: talking to Bobby or get the hell out of there, the rest of the shift be damned. 

"Kid." Buck didn't give Bobby the chance to continue. 

"You know, that's like the third time today you called me kid. You never do it, not anymore", he said with a bit of nostalgia in his voice. "I know you are worried Bobby, but I can't do this now. If I, if I give myself even a moment to process what went down tonight, I'm going to lose it and I can't afford that, not tonight."

"Nobody would think any less of you if you did. You know that, right?" 

"That's not the problem. Don't you get it? Eddie was the one who was buried alive, he was the one who had to rescue himself because the thought nobody was going to get to him in time, he is the one who almost died tonight, this - he said using his hands and throwing them above his head- all this should be about Eddie, not me. You should be worried about Eddie, Bobby, not me", he finishes with a broken whisper.

Robert Nash considered his options. It was clear the boy, his boy, was not ok and it was just a matter of time before he broke but he wasn't sure what was best for Buck right now. Should he leave him alone for the moment or just go and hug him as he deserves. Like he should have done it all those months ago, before and after the lawsuit? Also, his wife's voice was still resonating in his head, reminding him that his boy needed to be with family, he needed to bring him home. So, he took the two full steps that were separating them and took the boy in his arms, hugging him, protecting him from his demons.

And Buck broke. 

Whatever emotion he was trying to keep to himself, what he was trying to hide until he got to the solitude of his apartment, all those things now were painfully exposed for the world to see, even if at the moment it was just the cap and him. Without consent, the tears started to fall and the armor he created for himself since the cap calmed him down enough to rescue Eddie, all that just fell apart. He felt naked in the arms of the person he came to love as a father figure as if with a simple hug Bobby could strip down his very soul. 

"Oh my God, Bobby - he was getting desperate and more frantic by the minute- He was buried alive, he was alone down there, and I couldn't do a single thing to help him. He could have died; he could be dead Bobby."

"I know son, but he is not. He is home with Christopher and as safe as he can be".

It broke Bobby's heart to see Buck like this. He knows what it feels like to lose someone you love, to have a part of you ripped away without warning, leaving you breathless and broken. Even though Eddie was fine, for a moment Buck saw his whole world crumbling down in front of him, just like he did all those years ago, and if he could he would do anything to spare Buck the pain of thinking someone you love is gone. 

"He can't die, Bobby, I need more time with him. We haven't had enough time". Buck found himself crying harder and harder with each passing minute. His breath turned into short gasps and eventually, his lungs were not getting enough air. He couldn't think, couldn't speak, he might as well be dying at the fire station. Soon enough there were hands in his face and a voice was asking him to open his eyes. It was Bobby trying to calm him down again, looking pretty scare himself. 

"Buck, I need you to calm down. If you don't breathe, you're going to pass out and Athena will kill me for it". That made the young firefighter laugh and even when he barely made a sound, he looked at Bobby to let him know he was trying. The captain seemed to understand the message because not a second later Buck found himself back into Bobby's arms, with his head on his chest where he could feel the vibration of this voice, because not once the cap stopped talking. He kept repeating how Eddie was safe, how he was also going to be ok and how he and Athena were going to take care of him. 

Buck missed the worried looks from Chimney and Hen. They came to the loft just when Buck practically collapsed into Bobby's arms, sending them both to the ground. Hen's first reaction was to reach out, but Bobby stopped her silently, Buck needed this moment to himself and so did he. 

Honestly, Bobby didn't know how much time had passed but he knew two things: Buck was no longer crying, not out loud at least, and his back hurt. 

"Hey kid, what do you think if we move this to the couch". Buck nodded and stood up, giving Bobby a helping hand. When they were standing facing each other, Bobby reached and passed his hand through Buck's hair. "How are you feeling? and be honest."

"I have never been more terrified in my life. I could not think straight, I just reacted and lost it. I don't know what it's wrong with me Bobby."

"Well, let us start by making clear there's nothing wrong with you. You got scared and it's true, I've never seen you react like that, but from experience, that kind of pain only comes out of love."

"Are you, are you talking about your family?" He was unsure about the question. The last thing he needed today was to make Bobby upset or mad. 

"Yes, and I think it's time for you to be a little more honest with yourself about Eddie. You cannot keep bottling things up, son. I made the mistake of letting you do that after the tsunami and after the lawsuit, that ends today. Look at me Buck - he put both of his hands on Buck's shoulders, making sure to do eye contact- we may not be blood, but we are family and you are my kid, and I'm going to take care of you because that's what family does, ok?"

The tears came back but this time they felt different, it felt like he was allowed to cry, to feel, to admit to himself that today he reacted the way he did because he thought the man he was in love with died before he could tell him how he feels. 

"I was so scared Bobby. I thought I lost him, and I cannot, I don't know what I'd do if something happens to him. I love him Bobby, so damn much." 

"I know son". Bobby was finally smiling. Buck may not be completely ok but at least he will not be alone by the time things came crashing down again and the nightmares won't let him sleep. "You're coming with me tonight and tomorrow if you feel up to it, I'll drive you to Eddie's, or you can stay with us for as long as you want until you feel ready. I know what you are going to say, and no, you are not bothering us or intruding. Athena told me to take you home and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"But Bobby, the nightmares."

"I promise you, kid, we don't care, if you have nightmares, we'll take care of it, ok?"

"You know? Remember when I said that I didn't know what would I do without you? I mean it, every word. I love you Bobby", he said with a shy smile before he went for another hug. 

"I love you too, son. Now, why don't you go for Hen and Chim, I'm sure they are dying to know how you are doing, especially Hen."

Just like Bobby predicted the other two members of the team were at the bottom of the stairs waiting for the right moment to go back to the loft. As soon as Buck told them to go up Hen hurried upstairs and gave Buck a tight hug as she asked how he was doing.

“You know, it’s not me who you guys should be worrying about.”

“Actually yes, we do. I hate to say it, but you scare us back there, Buck. For a second, I thought we were going to have to sedate you. I have never seen you as desperate and frantic as you were today”, Chim said as he put his hand on Buck’s shoulder, pretty much the same way Bobby did earlier. 

“Thank you, guys, but you have nothing to worry about. I’m ok.”

“We’ll be the judge of that”, that was Hen who was leading him to the kitchen where Bobby was already making something to eat. “You are going to take a seat and eat whatever Bobby is making. I’m sorry but you look dead on your feet, kid. Be good as I decide if I’ll tell you or not how it went with Eddie.” 

“What? Why? There was something wrong?”

“I wouldn’t say wrong, but if I didn’t know him any better, I’d say he was kinda worried.”

“Try disappointed”, supplied Chimney. 

“Yeah, that too. Anyway, he did ask where were you. I guess he was expecting you to be there with him.”

“Damn it”, Buck couldn’t help but feel like he was ruining things, again. He felt so frustrated, and with frustration came tears. He had no control over his emotions at this point.

“Hey, stop that”, Hen was now in front of him. “He understood somebody had to stay behind to help cap, and don’t worry we didn’t tell him anything. Just know that we are all shook and nobody, especially Eddie, will hold it against you if you need a moment to collect yourself. After tonight we all need it.”

For the first time since he thought Eddie had been buried alive, Buck took a deep breath without that tight feeling in his chest. Of course, he knew the second he saw Eddie again everything will come back to him and probably more tears will be shed and maybe, just maybe, he will hug and kiss Eddie to never let him go. For now, he just felt tired, exhausted after all the rollercoaster of emotions he went through. Not only he came to terms with how much Eddie means to him and how important he is in his life, but also any doubt he had about his relationship with Bobby since the lawsuit was gone. Way too many emotions for a day if you ask him. 

“You ok there, kid?”. Bobby’s parental sensors were fully functional when it comes to Buck. 

“Yeah, I’m just really tired and my head can’t stop thinking about tonight and Eddie.”

“C’mon, we're done here- he pulled Buck from the table and guided him to the stairs- Athena’s waiting for us at home and I promise I’ll take you to Eddie’s first thing in the morning.” 

“Thank you, Bobby, for everything.”

“You don’t need to thank me. And Buck, I should have said something the day we were picking what to eat for Christmas, but I also wouldn't know what to do if something ever happens to you. I don't think I could take losing another kid”, he said as he put one arm over Buck’s shoulders after he kissed his head, just like he used to do with his children.


End file.
